Friday, 1 August 2014

DAILY MAIL NEWS ARTICLE - 1ST AUG; ANOREXICS' DIARY

A chilling article I found on the Daily Mail website, explaining the story behind the release of anorexics' diary. The content is startling and will be good research/content for my dissertation. 

'I hate my life, I hate my body, please I want to be thin': Turmoil of teenager killed by anorexia is revealed in harrowing diaries released by her mother to help others understand the illness.
  • - Loredana Verta was diagnosed with the eating disorder at the age of 16
  • - Talented dancer and aspiring make-up artist fought illness for three years 
  • - In 2009 after suffering liver disease Loredana died of a heart attack
  • - Five years on and her mother Anna has finally opened her daughter's diary
  • - Reading the teen's innermost thoughts helped her understand the torment
  • - She said: 'Anorexia occupied her every thought - her entire being'
  • - 55-year-old is releasing the diaries in the hope they will help other sufferers 


The private turmoil of a teenage girl gripped by anorexia has been shared by her family after the vicious illness claimed her life.

Loredana Verta's mother Anna was powerless to help her treasured daughter. 

But the 55-year-old has today made Loredana's diaries public, in the hope of educating others of just how deadly the disease 
can be.

It reveals desperate pleas to be thin - and a heartbreaking will to die.

Scroll down for video 
Loredana Verta died at the age of 19, after a three year battle with anorexia
The teenager battled the eating disorder, her weight plummeting to four stone at the height of her illness


Loredana Verta, pictured left and right, died at the age of 19 after a three-year battle with anorexia. At the height of her illness the teenager's weight plummeted to four stone
Five years after Loredana's death from a sudden heart attack in 2009, her mother Anna, 55, finally built up the courage to open her daughter's diaries this year. Now she is releasing them to help others


Five years after Loredana's death from a sudden heart attack in 2009, her mother Anna, 55, finally built up the courage to open her daughter's diaries this year. Now she is releasing them to help others
Loredana, right, with her siblings Gabriella and Vittorio, at the height of her illness when her weight plummeted to four stone


Loredana, right, with her siblings Gabriella and Vittorio, at the height of her illness when her weight plummeted to four stone
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Loredana was a talented dancer and aspiring make-up artist. 

But the 19-year-old will never fulfil her dreams, after the eating disorder destroyed her life.

She refused to eat, despite repeated attempts to save her life through hospital stays.

For three years the teenager battled her inner demons, but consumed by the illness, her organs began to shut down.

Eventually Loredana was diagnosed with liver disease, which caused her to suffer a fatal heart attack.

Now, with the support of Loredana's sisters Natalina, 28, and Gabriella, 23, and her brother Vittorio, 19, Ms Verta is sharing her daughter's diaries, which document her struggle.

She hopes the frank and, at times, upsetting insights will help raise awareness of the devastation the eating disorder can cause.
Loredana (right) at the start of 2007 when she weighed just under 8st
Loredana (right) at the start of 2007 when she weighed just under 8st


She said: 'At the time I couldn’t understand how she’d lost control of her own body - why she couldn’t get better, despite all our worries and fears for her.

'But now, looking through Lorry’s eyes, I finally understand her battle.

'Lorry thought she could live with the condition - that as long as she was thin, she would be OK.

'I want other sufferers to read her diary and recognise themselves in it, and know just how deadly anorexia really is.'

Loredana’s battle began when she was 16, shortly after she joined a dance school.

Ms Verta, a primary school teacher, said: 'She’d always wanted to be a dancer - ballet in particular was her passion - so I was 
thrilled when she decided to commit herself to it.
'I hate me and my life,' Loredana wrote in her diary, revealing her constant battle as anorexia consumed her every thought
'I hate me and my life,' Loredana wrote in her diary, revealing her constant battle as anorexia consumed her every thought


Loredana's innermost thoughts show pleas to be thin, and heart-breaking insights into her mind, ravaged by the illness
Loredana's innermost thoughts show pleas to be thin, and heart-breaking insights into her mind, ravaged by the illness
'I can't do this anymore, I hate my body,' the teenager wrote consumed and tormented by anorexia


'I can't do this anymore, I hate my body,' the teenager wrote consumed and tormented by anorexia
THE INNERMOST THOUGHTS OF A TEENAGER BATTLING ANOREXIA
I don't want to be fat, please let me be THIN.'
I HATE ME AND MY LIFE. I just want to be happy and thin. Nothing is going right for me, I just wish it would.'
'Mum is so lovely. I love her. She is trying so hard with me, but I’m pushing her away because I don’t want to gain weight. I need to lose weight - not gain it. I just want to be thin.'
'I don’t know how to eat. I don’t know anything. All I want is to be and look boney thin. HELP ME.'
'I can’t do this anymore. I hate my life. I hate my body.'
'I don't feel good, I feel so fat. I get so angry when I think back to when I lost all the weight. I felt so good.'
'I feel so fat, please let me be THIN. I hate my life.
'Why do I have to be fat?'
'I feel crap and I really hate my life, I want to be THIN.'
'There is hardly anyone here, the day is dragging. I look so fat, I've gained so much I can feel it and I look it. I want to DIE.'
'Plz Lord I've said it, I need help, I'm scared. I really am. I don't even have the strength to cry.
'One day she came home extremely anxious. She said the other girls in class were so much thinner than her. 

'She was already slim and pretty. She loved living and enjoyed meals with the family, and there was nothing wrong with the 
way she looked.

'I insisted she was beautiful the way she was, but she just shook her head. All girls have confidence issues at some point, but I hoped Lorry would see sense eventually.'

Instead, Loredana began eating tiny portions at mealtimes and tried to conceal the fact her weight was plummeting towards dangerously low levels.

Ms Verta said: 'We’d always been close, but we started arguing every day. I tried my best to make her eat by watching her carefully and trying to get her to finish her meals, but nothing we did or said worked.'

By June 2005, she was admitted to the Rhodes Farm treatment centre in London, weighing less than four stone.

Ms Verta said: 'Things had become desperate. Even though she was so frail, she was terrified of going into hospital because she thought she would "get fat".

'I told her she was stronger than what she was fighting, and that she would soon be at home again where she belonged.'
Loredana stayed at Rhodes Farm for six months, as her weight crept up to eight stone.

Outwardly, she was regaining control.
Loredana was a talented dancer and had dreams of becoming a make-up artist
But her dreams were dashed by the vicious eating disorder, which caused Loredana's organs to shut down, leading to liver disease and eventually a sudden heart attack


Ms Verta said she was inspired to release Loredana's private diaries in the hope reading accounts of her daughter's battle with the illness, will help other sufferers 
After intensive treatment, Loredana, pictured with her mother, did recover her weight to around eight stone, but a chest infection, which caused her to lose weight, sparked a relapse


After intensive treatment, Loredana, pictured with her mother, did recover her weight to around eight stone, but a chest infection, which caused her to lose weight, sparked a relapse.


Her diaries reveal she faced daily consultations, medical tests and regulated mealtimes.

But throughout her treatment her mind was plagued by a deep anxiety over her image, tormented by food.

In one entry she writes: 'Mum is so lovely. I love her. She is trying so hard with me, but I’m pushing her away because I don’t want to gain weight. I need to lose weight - not gain it. I just want to be thin.'

In another she writes: 'I don’t know how to eat. I don’t know anything. All I want is to be and look boney thin.'

In another she writes: 'I can’t do this anymore. I hate my life. I hate my body.'


'Anorexia occupied her every thought - her entire being. She didn’t realise that anorexia is a deadly disease. It is a killer. If her diaries can help other sufferers to understand that, then they would have done some good'
- Anna Verta, Loredana's mother

In May 2006, just five months after Loredana was discharged from the treatment centre, she contracted a mild chest infection, resulting in her losing a small amount of weight. 

The experience was enough to trigger a relapse into anorexia.

Ms Verta said: 'I felt frustrated and would often end up screaming at her, accusing her of not caring about what she was doing to the family or herself.'

For the next three painful years, Loredana went back and forth to various clinics, only for her anorexia to persist and worsen.

In January 2009, while she was staying at St Ann’s hospital in north London, Loredana developed chest pains, leading doctors to suspect her organs were failing.

She was rushed to an intensive care department at North Middlesex hospital, where she was diagnosed with liver disease.

A few days later, shortly after her mother was told that her liver function was improving, Loredana experienced a sudden heart attack in the middle of the night.
Ms Verta, backed by her children, Natalina, 28, Gabriella, 23 and Vittorio, 19, said: 'Anorexia occupied her every thought - her entire being. Only by reading her innermost thoughts did I gain that understanding. She didn't realise that anorexia is a deadly disease. It is a killer. If her diaries can help other sufferers to understand that, then they would have done some good'
Ms Verta, backed by her children, Natalina, 28, Gabriella, 23 and Vittorio, 19, said: 'Anorexia occupied her every thought - her entire being. Only by reading her innermost thoughts did I gain that understanding. She didn't realise that anorexia is a deadly disease. It is a killer. If her diaries can help other sufferers to understand that, then they would have done some good'



Her funeral was attended by hundreds of friends, former teachers and hospital staff.

Ms Verta said: 'Loredana had given me so much to live for, and she was gone forever. It wasn’t fair. 
'I struggled to comprehend why her desire to be thin had taken over her life in such a cruel way. I cried every day.'

Finally, this year, Ms Verta found the courage to open her late daughter’s diary as a way of gaining understanding about her illness.

She said: 'The diaries had been in the house, unread, challenging me. I was scared of reading them. I asked one of my daughters to read it aloud to me.

'In her early writings, she uses large letters, as if she’s absent-minded or bored. 

'But as the diaries continue, her writing gets smaller and smaller, as if she’s trying to cram as much into the pages as possible. 

She had so much in her head that she needed to get down.

'Anorexia occupied her every thought - her entire being. 

'I was devastated to read how she felt as if she hated her life and her body. Reading the diaries, it’s obvious that the illness was completely out of her control.

'Only by reading her innermost thoughts did I gain that understanding.

'She didn’t realise that anorexia is a deadly disease. It is a killer. If her diaries can help other sufferers to understand that, then they would have done some good.'

The charity beat works to help people living with eating disorders. To find out more visit their website.

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